Michele Skerl and Alison Armstrong had designed an exercise whereby the participants could practice leading horses/people of very different temperaments and capacities. Â Specifically with regard to the horses, Chaka is happiest when someone brings-it-on at full power with a lot of energy and enthusiasm; Heather (Not me, but the horse) just needs clarity, if you have that you don’t even have to ask before she’s acting upon it; Alli is very sensitive to power – if you overpower her, she’ll protect herself, if you pull your power, she’ll doubt you; and Velvet needs clarity plus a gentle request – if you’re unclear she’ll appear stubborn and temp you to use more force, which she’ll resist and resent.
As the four women took turns working with each of the horses, they adapted to their needs and experienced the ability to lead horses/people just like them. Â Then the unexpected began happening: the perfect fit. Â For each of the women, there was a horse who so resonated with who they are that synchronicity was completely natural and easy. Â Both woman and horse glowed as they discovered each other. Â It brought tears to their eyes to watch.
Alison and Michele were overjoyed that each participant experienced the perfect fit. Â The feeling of it is now embedded in who they are. Â They’ll never forget what it feels like and never mistake anything else for it. Â And they experienced the ability to work with people who aren’t the perfect fit, but with whom something is possible that is worth adapting for.
The last possibility didn’t show up in the arena, but it shows up in life. Â The person who brings out the worst in you, while you bring out the worst in them. Â Neither of you are bad people. Â The two of you are just a bad combination. Â The most honoring thing to do in this case – for you and them – is to let it go.
Many people enter into relationships, personal and professional, and hope to change that person or entity into something that they desire. While it is admirable and generous to help someone become better, you must approach it from the standpoint that you’re making them better for them, not for you. If your true desire is to see them become better in their own eyes, and become closer to their own ideal, then this is done out of love. You’re not really changing them, you’re helping them become more who they want to be. If you can’t find your perfect fit, you may confuse yourself into thinking that you can change them into something else. While we can often make small changes in others, it can be very difficult sometimes. You should think hard about your situation, if you have a bad fit, and decide if you’re trying to change them into someone else, or to make them more like themselves. If you want someone else, the best thing to do is to let them go!
