One of the biggest differences between men and women is that men are single focused and women have diffused awareness.
Going back to hunter/gatherer (caveman/cavewomen) days, what men really are, and what every single aspect of their human nature stems from, is to be a provider, protector, and procreator. Every choice they make stems from those 3 things. This is what is human instinct to them. This is the basis for how they work, which is completely different from a woman’s human instinct that stems from being a gatherer.
As hunters they had to be single focused to be fully committed to producing a result or they would die. They handle a great deal of complexity but to produce one single result. For example, if they were hunting a deer for food to PROVIDE for the family, they could not get distracted by anything else around. They had to focus on getting that deer. If they did not get the deer, they would starve and die, as would their family. Now in modern times this still exists. You’ve heard that men cannot multitask, well, this is true. They can not do 2 things at the same time. They can only watch TV. They can not watch TV and ignore you at the same time, because that would be 2 different things. They can only drive. They can not drive and really listen to you at the same time. They are single focused and fully committed to producing a result in that moment and that result is to get you to the destination safely.
That is why women are so good at multi-tasking. Women have this diffused awareness. As gatherers we were able to notice all of the ripe berries to pick, while we tended to the baby, and kept an eye out for predators in case we had to grab the baby and run.
HUNTER = TRACK VISION
GATHERER = SCAN VISION
There is also “A transition time” that men have as well. Have you ever noticed your father coming home (back to the cave) after work (battle) and having a ritual? Maybe it looks like:
Shedding his clothes (Armor)
Unloading by putting his things down like brief case, keys, etc. (club, spear,etc.)
Chilling out (“Datafeed” which means dumping data for something new)
This transition period can last anywhere from 5 min to 45 min. You may also notice this from one task to another and from waking up from a nap. Transition time is not talk time. If you wait until they come to you, you’ll know they are finished their transition time and they will be able to fully hear you. If you interrupt this time or any other time, they take it as diminishing and disempowering. You honor them by giving them this time.
Since men are single focused, it is important to keep this in mind when there is something important you want to talk to your man about. Whether they are doing a specific task or focused on that transition time, it is vital that you recognize this in order to be effective in your communication. I will be sharing in my next post how to tell a man what you need.
